i was not expecting to see her on the bus. and when i did, it totally took me off guard. i havent seen her since she started going out with him. and it really surprises me how much it affected me to see her today, as i honestly thought i was completely over it. the last time i saw him was about 9 months ago, and that time, we didnt say a word to each other. it hurt, but in a way i was okay about it. i guess i really havent let go yet. when i saw her today, i felt a surge of hatred towards her. i mean, i never used to like her anyway, but at that very moment, all i felt was pure hatred. thinking about it now, i'm shocked. i dont think i've ever reacted in that way towards "the other girl" before.
the bus ride home was a long one. that single moment had such a huge impact on me. i was flooded with emotions; hatred, anger, regret.. and sadness. i was so overwhelmed, i really wanted to cry, then and there.
it has been 1 year and 9 months since that 'moment' happened between him and me. 1 year and 1 month since we last went out together. 1 year 1 month since he has been dating her. it's been so long, and yet i still cant stop thinking about it.
i'm still... angry.. at the fact that he started dating her so fast after our last outing together. i dont know if angry is the right word. but, it feels like i still dont have any closure. it was so unexpected.
i still find myself thinking about the past, and thinking about what i could have done differently. i'm still regretting not taking the chance, and now it's gone.
i came across this today;
