reflections on the past.

so the year 2011 has now arrived. now it's time to make some reflections on the past year.

there were many changes last year, the biggest being the step of leaving high school and entering university. and compared to other years, i am extremely disappointed with myself in terms of my achievements in 2010. i remember back in the day, i used to be a pretty good student. i always did my homework, finished everything on time and got okay results. even though my asian parents weren't exactly ecstatic about them, i, myself, felt good about the results i had achieved. but i've noticed in recent years, notably from year 10-11 onwards, i have been slacking off big time. and my results are written proof. i've had many disappointments in 2010, from getting bad results in mid year AND end of year exams, to being unable to transfer. but i've got no one to blame but myself. i guess i just didnt really take my studies very seriously this year, and thought i could just glide through. granted, i havent failed anything yet, but that attitude i held is something that i should get rid of NOW. i've told myself that i wont be making any new years resolutions, and i wont. but i hope i will be able to change this attitude of mine this year and be able to excel in my studies in order for me to pursue my dream career, and do something that i can feel proud about. not only me, but also my family.
it's been hard, especially when my family, namely my brother, constantly expresses my worthlessness, my stupidity, and my laziness. you might find it weird how my brother nags me as much as, or even more than my parents do. but really, my brother is like a third parent to me. he's always telling me to study more, to study more than i have to, telling me to do something more productive. he always asks when my exams are, when my results come out, what my results are when i get them. and when i tell him, it's always 'not good enough' and 'you need to study harder'. i know he's doing it cause he cares about me, and wants me to be able to achieve more. but i just wish he could encourage me in a different way; in a more positive way, rather than telling me that i'm never good enough and i'm always a failure.
so i hope that this year, i will be able to be more serious towards my studies and get results that both my family and i can be proud of.
of course it's not healthy to focus solely on studies, and i know that. so i would like to be able to balance my academic life and social life equally, and still be able to excel academically, and have time for my friends too. on a more positive note after that long negative rambling, i am so grateful for having the friends that i do. i have met many new friends during my first year of uni, and although it took a bit of time for us to warm up, we've become really good friends after a year. however, there is another group of people who are extremely important to me; my high school girls. although we've all been busy with our own lives, and we all go to different unis, doing different things, we've still managed to keep in touch and catch up with each other, and i daresay we've even become much closer to each other. i am truly grateful to be able to have them in my life, and i know they'll always be there for me. i hope in the upcoming year, as well as in the years to follow, our friendship will only grow stronger. i love you girls <3

lets hope 2011 will be a year to remember, and be something much better than the now gone 2010.