falling behind.

taking a step back, and looking at my life at a different perspective, i feel as if everything is changing before my eyes, yet it's taking me time to realise what's happening. everything is changing without me knowing, until it's too late, and i'm already falling behind.
i don't know what's made me suddenly see things in this way. maybe i'm just not used to the fact that we're at the age where we're starting to mature, and taking on the more serious things in life. sometimes, i think that everyone else is transitioning into the mature phase of adulthood just fine, whereas i'm still that naive child that's left behind.

i often wonder if there's something wrong with me. to me, it seems like everyone else is changing for the better, whereas i'm changing for the worst. i think one of the main factors that is influencing this is the fact that i'm a lot quieter than i used to be. when i was younger, i could just say anything, and wouldn't care what anyone else thought. sometimes i would say some really stupid things, and often, people would laugh at me and tease me about it. i guess my self-consciousness has caught up to me over the years, and slowly, i've stopped saying the things i've been thinking, because i was always worried about what people would think of me. my biggest downfall, is the fact that i care too much about what people think of me, almost to the point where i no longer want to have my own opinion, in case people would think of me differently because of it. i also tend to take things really personally as well. when someone says something as a joke, sometimes, i take it to heart, and instead of thinking of it as a joke, i think of it as them judging me. this is something i hate about myself, and something i really would like to change for the better.

in order to help myself grow as a person, i hope to let go of everything in the past that's holding me back. i hope i can learn to trust myself in the decisions i make, and be more confident in the things i have to say, and the things i want to do. i need to forget about what others think about me, and care more about how i think of myself. i need to learn to commit myself 100% to everything i do. this is what i need to push forward, and step out of the barriers i've confined myself in.